


i lose myself in a daydream

by jcreaus



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Enjoy!, F/F, THEN SAD AGAIN, This Is Sad, What else is new, emily is in love with jj, im really sorry, pretend henry doesnt exist, pretend jj and will got married in a church, sooo maybe i can write angst?, then happy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:00:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27721075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jcreaus/pseuds/jcreaus
Summary: jj is getting married to the short man with the horrible accent, and emily is devastated. when the preacher says "speak now or forever hold your peace", emily considers what would happen if she stood. how upset would jj really be?(loosely) based on speak now by taylor swift :)
Relationships: Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss
Comments: 7
Kudos: 39





	i lose myself in a daydream

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys!
> 
> i've seen countless fics based on this song, so i wanted to write my own BUT with a bit of a twist. 
> 
> (tip: if you stop reading before the last line of lyrics, you will get your happy ending.)

Emily Prentiss spun the silver watch on her wrist around and around until the friction began to burn, forcing her attention from the carpet to the heart of the church. Her eyes found the minister, who was busying himself at the alter with some last-minute preparations for the wedding ceremony that was due to begin at any moment.

JJ’s wedding ceremony.

The team, minus JJ, was seated in the second row, just behind Will’s immediate family members. Emily purposefully drove separate from Penelope, who had offered to pick her up on her way to the church, hoping that she could walk in late enough that only a tiny spot at the end of the pew would be available. Not that she was going to run away mid-ceremony, but at least she had the option. Her plan had worked, so she was squeezed between David Rossi and the aisle.

Emily wondered what JJ was up to. She was probably in the back of the church, using one of the extra rooms to do whatever brides do minutes before their ceremonies. The brunette pictured JJ stepping into the white gown she had picked out a few months ago, shimmying into it like she had the first time she tried it on.

Emily was actually there when she bought it, as was Penelope. Their team had unexpectedly taken a case when Sandy was supposed to fly in to go dress shopping with JJ, so the two girls decided to surprise her with a trip to the local bridal store when they returned. Penelope was an expert at that kind of thing and excitedly ran through the store with JJ, while Emily lingered behind and sifted through the racks. There was one dress in particular that had caught her eye because she knew JJ would look beautiful in it, and sure enough, that was the one everyone loved.

So, yeah, JJ was marrying Will in the dress that Emily had picked out.

The main door of the church opened, and every head in the room whipped around to see if it was the lovely bride-to-be. It wasn’t. William LaMontagne Jr. appeared in the doorway wearing a black tuxedo. He smiled brightly and began walking towards the altar.

With a deep breath, Emily turned back to the front of the church, unable to watch Will stroll down the aisle, stopping every few rows to greet the guests. Tears stung her eyes as she heard a loud “hi darling” come from the other side of the room. She looked up at the ceiling, hoping that somehow the wooden beams would help the ache in her heart go away.

Emily focused on steadying her breathing, knowing that crying _before_ the bride showed up was definitely suspicious. Rossi was staring at her, she could feel it. He was probably profiling her facial features and body language, finally getting conformation about what he had suspected since he joined the team. Apparently he wasn’t clueless, and Emily wasn’t subtle.

“Hey,” Rossi began, ready to say something that soothed Emily while also subtly discouraged her from doing something stupid. He didn’t think she would interrupt the wedding, or at least he hoped she wouldn’t, but he knew how important it was to JJ to have the _entire_ team there, which meant Emily just had to suck it up and stay. Emily turned her head to face the older agent, but just as he was about to offer his insight on the situation, the organ started to play, the initial note startling both of them.

The doors behind the countless rows of pews swung open again, and this time, JJ and her mom were standing arm-in-arm, ready to walk down the aisle. The crowd immediately rose to their feet, but Emily paused to take one last deep breath in before she stood as well. She kept her eyes closed as she got up, only opening them once her head was turned away from Will and pointed right at JJ.

**_I am not the kind of girl_ **

**_Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion_ **

****

Emily had trouble forming a single thought once her gaze landed on the bride. _Holy shit_ was about the only two words she could string together.

JJ’s hair was pulled back in a beautiful updo, but a few small strands fell loose to frame her face. She had makeup on, although it was subtle enough that she looked almost entirely natural, and she wore simple jewelry, just a silver necklace and diamond earrings to match.

And then the dress. The beautiful dress that Emily pulled off of the rack, knowing that JJ would look amazing in it. It was white, with hardly any accents or details. The gown had a semi-sweetheart neckline and sleeves that ended at her elbows, which showed off JJ’s toned shoulders and tanned skin. The fabric was loose at the top, but became tighter around her waist and thighs, perfectly accentuating her curves. The dress was basically made for JJ; not flashy enough that it was _too_ much, but just enough that she felt beautiful.

Emily thought she was going to pass out. The woman she loved looked like _that,_ and she was getting married to the short guy with the wonky southern accent. She could feel her heart breaking as JJ’s smile reached her eyes, the excitement she had for the moments to come written all over her face. Emily knew how selfish it was to wish she were the one standing beside the minister instead of Will. He made JJ happy, and that should be enough for Emily.

It would be a lie if she said it was.

Emily fell in love with JJ the first time she saw her. It was her first day at the BAU and she was sitting in Hotch’s office when the blonde poked her head in and interrupted their meeting. JJ hadn’t even looked at her, but Emily saw how kind her bright blue eyes were, and she was a goner. From that day forward, she had always envisioned a life with JJ. Waking up next to her, carpooling to work, stealing kisses when no one is looking, and falling asleep together, only to wake up and do it all over again every single day after that. For almost five years that was the only thing that filled her daydreams, and any bliss she had gotten from the idea was disappearing with every step JJ took towards Will.

“We have gathered here today,” the minister began once JJ had reached her position next to Will. Once again, tears threatened to spill from Emily’s eyes, but this time she could play it off as happiness for the lovely bride and groom. Sandy was wiping her own tears as well, so it made sense for the bride’s best friend to be crying too, right?

The opening dragged on for what felt like forever to Emily, meaningless words echoing through the massive, yet silent, room. JJ and Will stood facing each other with their fingers intertwined, never taking their eyes off of each other. _It was just the introduction for god’s sake, they could let go for this part,_ Emily thought to herself as she rolled her dark brown eyes. She had been to a few Catholic weddings before, but this one was the most cliché and painstakingly _slow_ of them all.

Emily tuned out the minister once he started reciting a list of things that created a “good” marriage. Something along the lines of, “a good marriage is standing together and facing the world,” and on and on. Emily was pretty sure this was the most cliché thing she had ever heard at a wedding. The funny thing is, though, if it were her up there with JJ, listening to the dumb minister rattle off the dumb aspects of a perfect marriage, she would be beaming, just happy to be marrying the woman she loved.

But she was sitting motionless in the pew, watching JJ and Will beam at each other, excited for the future they were going to have as husband and wife. 

**_I hear the preacher say_ **

**_“Speak now or forever hold your peace”_ **

****

Emily froze. Somehow, out of the entire opening, those were the only words her befuddled mind decided to pick up on. She had been dreading this moment, not even sure if the minister would include the sentence in the ceremony or not. It had been left out of the last three weddings she had attended, so _why_ did they decide to include it in JJ’s?

Silence filled the room as the minister paused. JJ, still holding onto Will’s hands, twisted to face the audience, laughing at the idea that someone would even think about ruining their perfect day.

Emily knew what she wanted. She felt Rossi’s eyes on her again, practically boring a hole into the side of her head. How upset would JJ _really_ be if Emily stood up right now?

Deep chocolate eyes met glistening blue ones and suddenly everything clicked into place for Emily. JJ gave her a knowing look, their way of communicating with each other when they knew exactly what was running through the other woman’s head. That was their thing, something special that proved the depths of their relationship, something Emily refused to let go of because of some wedding and some guy _._

**_I lose myself in a daydream_ **

**_Where I stand and say…_ **

****

Emily pushed herself up onto her feet, gently placing her small clutch onto the pew behind her. The younger woman was still facing the audience with an amused smile on her face, but as soon as she noticed Emily stand, the expression was replaced with tear-filled eyes. Emily wasn’t sure if the look she was giving her was to say _how could you?_ or _thank god._ Panic settled in as her mind went back and forth between the two options, unable to figure out what JJ was feeling. Was she making a mistake? 

JJ’s misty eyes locked on Emily’s dark ones. She searched the older woman’s face for any sign of life because the girl was standing motionless, no words coming out to indicate exactly what was going on. She knew she had to push her, knew she had to give Emily a sign that whatever she needed to say was _okay._ The brunette probably has no idea that JJ loves her back, and has spent the last five years being scared to make the first move, hoping that Emily would do it for her. Emily needed her to make her say it, so that’s exactly what she was going to do.

The blonde took a small step forward so she couldn’t see Will out of the corner of her eye. She was totally focused on Emily now, only a step and one row of seats separating them. “Em,” it came out as a whisper, which was definitely not what JJ had intended. She was scared, so that was about all she could offer right now.

Emily couldn’t move. She didn’t think she was even breathing. She actually stood up. And JJ was crying. _Oh god, JJ was crying._ Emily knew that everyone was staring at her, horrified looks from everyone in the room, wondering why the hell she thought she had the right to ruin JJ and Will’s day. She knew they were right, but sparkling blue eyes were probing every inch of her face, waiting for her to say something, _anything_.

All Emily could do was shrug.

The silence between them was broken when Will cleared his throat awkwardly, the brunette coming back to reality at the sound and looking down at the carpet under her feet. They were about to say their vows in front of their closest friends and family, and Emily had interrupted that. She glanced back up to apologize, but stopped when she saw JJ pull away from Will’s outstretched hand. The blonde shook her head, and took another step towards Emily.

That was all Emily needed.

“I love you, Jennifer,” she spoke softly. She had spent years trying to formulate the best way to tell JJ about her feelings, and this definitely was not how she had planned to do it. But now they were here, surrounded by a church full of people, and Emily needed to sum up five years of longing, wishing, and dreaming into a few sentences.

“I have since my first day with the BAU,” Emily began to explain. “You poked your head into Hotch’s office to let him know there was a case. You didn’t even look at me, but I,” she paused. Her heart was racing, but she was gaining confidence with every second JJ’s bright blue eyes stayed locked on her warm brown ones. “I knew the moment I saw you that I wanted to be the person you spent the rest of your life with.”

Emily spoke loud enough now that her words were clear even to those sitting in the last row, her feelings for the woman at the alter evident just by the way she looked at her. Emily’s chestnut eyes were bright, a slight smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Someone a few rows behind her cleared their throat, making Emily hyper-aware of the silence that followed her declaration of love. She sounded _insane_.

“Um, you probably don’t remember that day, but I,” Emily trailed off. She glanced down at her feet, realizing that JJ would’ve spoken up by now if she felt the same. She was hit with the sudden urge to run away and pretend like none of this ever happened.

“I remember,” JJ spoke up after she saw Emily’s posture shrink, embarrassment and hurt probably coursing through her. She met her gaze, curiosity apparent in her eyes. _She really didn’t know, huh?_ How oblivious could this girl be? JJ took another step towards the audience, towards Emily. She stood at the edge of the altar, now only a step down and a few feet standing between her and the future she had always secretly longed for.

“After you turned back around,” JJ continued, “I looked over my shoulder.” Emily was still frozen, but her eyes widened with each word. JJ’s dress wasn’t long enough to interfere with her walking, but out of habit, she lifted the fabric slightly and took that final step away from the altar. Away from Will.

“I knew too,” JJ concluded.

The muffled thump that came from JJ’s heel stepping down onto the carpet pulled Emily out of her head and into the moment.

Oh. _Oh._

JJ was finally standing face-to-face with the brunette, her words fitting together in Emily’s head like pieces of a puzzle. Every moment they had shared over the years rushed back to Emily, but this time, she noticed the way JJ hugged her for a second too long. She caught the stolen glances from the younger woman’s office window. She remembered the way JJ snuggled closer to her in their shared hotel room during that one horrific case all those years ago. Everything made sense.

Emily’s left hand lifted slightly to meet JJ’s outstretched right one. Their fingers intertwined and JJ immediately took off running, pulling the shocked brunette behind her. JJ used her free hand to hold the bottom of her dress up, and Emily used her right hand to push through the heavy door at the back of the church. They were sprinting by the time the warmth of the sun hit their faces, not even bothering to look back at the chaos that definitely had just ensued.

Emily had no idea where they were going, but JJ was pulling her further and further away from the church, apparently having a place in mind. The blonde’s quick pace eased once they reached the patch of trees at the end of the property, her grip on Emily’s hand tightening as she maneuvered them around branches and leaves. Emily was confused, but was way too out of breath to ask questions. It wasn’t until they reached the clearing beyond the greenery when she realized where they were.

A secret garden. JJ had led her to a secret garden. Emily’s mouth was agape as she took in their surroundings, flowers of every color and dozens of different trees encircling them. She felt JJ squeeze her hand one last time before letting go, and that’s when Emily finally looked at the blonde standing so close in front of her that their heavy breaths could be felt on each other’s cheeks.

Emily’s features dropped suddenly as guilt washed over her, realization hitting her that she just ruined what could’ve been the best day of JJ’s life. The glint of hope in her eyes disappeared almost as quickly as it came, the smile that had once taken over her entire face gone completely. Her gaze bounced from flower to flower as she struggled to look JJ in the eye, scared that she would be able to see the girl’s heartbreak, that she had caused, in her beautiful blue eyes.

Her gaze settled on the grass beneath her feet. She felt a soft thumb graze over her jawline and settle on her chin, lightly pushing her head up so she was looking at JJ again. Emily glanced back up, bracing herself for all of the negative things JJ could spit out at her right now for what she did. But nothing came.

Sparkling blue eyes that were filled with nothing but absolute _love_ met Emily’s insecure ones.

“I’m so glad you were around when they said, ‘speak now’,” JJ said gently, but firm enough that Emily recognized the truth behind her words. She had asked the preacher a few days before the ceremony to include that outdated line in hopes that Emily would do exactly what she had just done. Something that JJ had been so terrified of doing herself.

Emily’s heart sped up, her eyes softening as she realized that _finally_ she could love JJ with every ounce of her being without work, or doubt, or Will, or anything else getting in the way. JJ’s fingers on her chin traced along her skin again, this time resting on her flushed cheek. She relaxed into JJ’s palm and allowed herself to be pulled closer to the younger woman, only a few centimeters separating them now.

JJ’s glossed lips pressed firmly onto Emily’s slightly chapped ones. The kiss was gentle and slow, yet filled with five years’ worth of stolen stares, unspoken words, and missed opportunities.

Emily’s eyes were closed, but their future together was so bright and clear to her.

_“Em, will you help me with this last one?” The blonde asked as she lugged the brown box from the back of the truck towards the open hatch. Why they decided to rent a huge moving truck and stuff all of their belongings into it, she had no clue. It was Emily’s idea, so she went along with it, but these boxes were freaking heavy and she was tired of transporting them from one end of the truck to the other._

_Emily met JJ at the back of the truck, taking the box from her and walking it to their brand-new garage. She set it down and jogged back over to help JJ climb out of the tall vehicle. Okay, maybe JJ was right, renting a giant moving van was a bad idea. Too late now, though._

_The women walked hand-in-hand to their front door, which they definitely were going to paint because what idiot decided to make it bright red in the first place? Just as they stepped onto the porch, Emily swiftly picked JJ up bridal style, and stepped through the doorway. She hated cliches, but this one was too perfect to pass up._

_-_

_JJ squeezed her eyes shut, scrunching her nose and pretty much her entire face in the process. She was sitting with her legs crossed in front of her on the cold tile of the master bathroom, anxiously waiting for the timer to go off._

_It felt like it had been an eternity before the soft guitar strings began playing, signaling the end of the three minutes. JJ let out a puff of air that she didn’t even know she was holding, and pushed herself up off of the floor with the palms of her hands. Stepping over to the sink, the blonde picked up the small stick and held it out in front of her._

_“Oh my god,” JJ whispered breathlessly. “Oh my god!” That time it came out much louder, and she could hear Emily’s footsteps as she ran up the stairs to figure out what was wrong. The blonde hadn’t planned on taking a pregnancy test yet because it was too soon after her appointment, but a brand-new box of them was sitting on the counter and she just wanted to see what would happen._

_Sure enough, two bright pink lines appeared, indicating that she was pregnant._

_The brunette burst through the door, not even bothering to knock. She had been downstairs cooking dinner when she heard JJ yell from upstairs, and it had scared her to say the least. Emily expected to see JJ lying limp on the floor, or vomiting into the toilet, or bleeding everywhere. She definitely did not think she would see JJ standing over the sink with a pregnancy test in her hand._

_“Jay?” Emily managed to huff out as she attempted to catch her breath from sprinting through the house and up the stairs. She couldn’t see how many lines were displayed on the test, and she didn’t know if the shocked expression on JJ’s face was from excitement or sorrow._

_JJ looked up from the positive test, her eyes wide with shock and pure joy. “Em,” the blonde managed to say as her eyes welled up with tears. She held out the stick for Emily to see, making sure her index finger wasn’t covering the very obvious second line, “we’re gonna be moms.”_

_-_

_“Did you know that the root word ‘avi’ means bird?” Emily mentioned as she sat down onto the king-sized bed. She pulled the comforter down enough so she could climb in next to JJ, who was resting against the headboard with a book in her hands._

_JJ looked up from her reading, wondering why Emily was suddenly spitting random facts out like Spencer. She shook her head, waiting for the brunette next to her to elaborate._

_“Well,” Emily started, unsure of how to word what she wanted to say so that it made sense to JJ, “if you take the first two letters and add an ‘a’, you get Ava.”_

_“You like the name Ava?” JJ asked, gently pushing for more of an explanation._

_Emily nodded._

_“It’s pretty, babe,” the blonde admitted softly, “we can add it to the list.”_

_“Blackbird,” Emily stated, emphasizing the second half of the word. She wanted to name their daughter something that was meaningful to the both of them, and since she didn’t love the few names that simply meant “blackbird”, she figured this was the next best thing._

_JJ closed her book and twisted so she could face Emily, two hands coming up to rest gently on the older woman’s cheeks._

_“I love it.”_

_“I love_ you _.”_

_-_

_“Ava,” the brunette heard her wife call out, “pass me the ball.” She was sitting on the patio watching her daughter kick around a soccer ball with JJ, the two of them completely entranced in the game they were playing._

_Ava was nine now, the years since she was born flew by as quickly as the years before that had. The years when these kind of moments shared with JJ were just a figment of Emily’s imagination._

_“Wait!” The young girl with flowing brown hair called out. She had bright blue eyes like JJ, but a pointy nose and brunette hair like Emily. “Mom, can you come play with us?”_

_Emily sucked at soccer. There was no other way to put it. Ava inherited all of her athletic ability from JJ, and as Emily got older, she lost any foot-eye coordination she thought she had. Regardless of her lacking athleticism, she got up and jogged to where the goal was placed in their backyard. She was pretty sure she could manage playing goalie._

_She watched Ava run circles around JJ, her natural ability for soccer shining through. The warmth of the setting sun hit her skin, and for a moment, she was pulled back to that same feeling over a decade ago, when she stepped out of the church and into the fresh air, with JJ’s hand entwined in hers, pulling her towards their future together._

**_I am not the kind of girl_ **

**_Who should be rudely barging in on a white veil occasion_ **

****

Emily blinked rapidly as the preacher moved on to the declaration of content, the sound of his voice interrupting the fantasy world she had escaped to. The feeling of the warm sun on her face was replaced with the cool air conditioning of the church. Her heart sunk and her stomach dropped as JJ turned away from the audience and back to face Will.

“Do you, Jennifer, take William as your husband, offering him your love and encouragement, your trust and respect, as together you create your future?”

She was going to be sick.

“I do,” JJ said, smiling brightly.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! i'm new to writing, especially with this format, so i would greatly appreciate any feedback you have. 
> 
> my tiktok is @sabrinajareau if any of you want to follow me there! i post a lot about jj, emily, and the rest of the characters/actors, including a series where i compile jemily moments in chronological order (because apparently i have sooo much free time on my hands).
> 
> thank you again for reading! happy thanksgiving if you celebrate! :)


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